^“8 Three times I prayed to the Lord about this and asked him to take it away. ⁹ But his answer was: “My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak.” I am most happy, then, to be proud of my weaknesses, in order to feel the protection of Christ’s power over me. ¹⁰ I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and difficulties for Christ’s sake.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
(2 Corinthians 12:8-10)

Let me preface this by saying that I am not advocating everyone should get on medication. This blog is not speaking toward children and medication. This is geared towards adults. Nor am I saying medication is always the best choice and will always work out. As we know, we live in a world that is far from perfect and what works for one person medically may not work for another and there needs to be caution when dealing with our brains because our brain is an organ and should be treated with care.

That being said, I am a Christian. I love the Lord with all of my heart. And I am on medication. 

I say it in that way to also add this- I used to be completely against antidepressants. 

Yes, I was an advocate of “you pray hard enough, you spend enough time with God- you will heal.” 

There is only one thing wrong with that- we live in a broken world with broken people. And God, for whatever reason, does not always heal our physical illnesses this side of heaven. Not everyone who prays for cancer to be cured is cured. Not everyone who prays for heart disease to go away is vindicated.

You say “But Lisa mental illness is not physical… it is all in their head.” Wrong. It’s not. Our brains are AN ORGAN. They have pathways; they have synapses; they have chemicals. If any of that is thrown off or out of wack, we experience what we refer to as mental illness- but in fact, it is very physical. 

Alzheimer’s is a deadly and debilitating disease. It is cruel and attacks it’s victim with all kind of hallucinations, memory loss, confusion, and behavioral changes. We can clearly see the difference in someone who is suffering with Alzheimer and someone who is not.

Parkinson’s is the same way- it ravages its victims brains with such veracity that they are left a different person. 

Why do we see things like Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s, which clearly have both mental and physical components, but yet think that people that suffer from clinical depression and overwhelming anxiety are suffering from something that is “all in their heads?” 

Why do we see the brain any different from the heart? They are both organs. They are both important. They are both relevant.

We see what happens when something traumatic happens to the brain in TMI’s- Traumatic Brain Injuries. We see the impact that drugs have on the brain in people who literally are not thinking straight due to the high. We have whole studies dedicated to the nature vs. nurture debate in the development of the childhood brain.

Yet we sit and we say, “it’s all in your head.” 

Is there anything wrong with praying for healing? Absolutely NOT. But we have to pray with the knowledge God knows what is best for us. And that means trusting Him when we don’t get the answer we want and living out lives as best we can.

Paul experienced this. Paul had a thorn in his side. Now we are not told if this thorn was a physical ailment or if this is metaphorical. In other words, we don’t know if he is speaking of an ACTUAL thorn or if he is equating to another deep seeded problem in his life; however, we do know that he prayed earnestly for God to take it away. And God didn’t.

^“8 Three times I prayed to the Lord about this and asked him to take it away. ⁹ But his answer was: “My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak.” I am most happy, then, to be proud of my weaknesses, in order to feel the protection of Christ’s power over me. ¹⁰ I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and difficulties for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
(2 Corinthians 12:8-10) 

My earliest memories of anxiety date back to the second grade. In fact I had to be put in counseling growing up at school for this, and my school counselor is one of the most precious women I have ever met. I was very blessed to have a wonderful mentor in her. 

Then I grew up, and I was somewhat of a happy child. I had moments of happiness, but I never seemed to be satisfied, with anything. 

I thought Africa would fix this. I had been waiting to go back for two years. It seemed as long as I had something to look forward to- I was fine.

It did NOT. In fact it made it about 1,000 worse. The depression I fell into afterwards was the darkest I have ever experienced. 

If you do not know my story from Africa please read the link below:

I Went on a Mission Trip… and Came Back Mad at God

Now, if you read the Mefloquine pamphlet they give you with the medication it warns not to take this medication if you already have anxiety, depression or any other type of mental illness, or to consult with your doctor at least. And I found out why. The hard way. 

After reacting to this medication, that I had taken two years before I might add and had been perfectly fine, I developed physical symptoms and my mental symptoms went into overdrive. You can read more about it from the link above.

Needless to say- I needed help. 

They tried to put me on medication about five months after I got back from Kenya. At that point my physical symptoms were so pronounced that the medication just made them worse. So I threw it away after a trip to the ER and was convinced medication would never help me.

Since November 2016 a lot has transpired. I got married only for my marriage to end abruptly due to addiction. The pain that followed was at times debilitating.

And in the midst of all of this I found that I had been trying to heal myself with a man- not God. And perhaps he was trying to do the same with me. Two broken people trying to be married and expecting one another to fix each other’s problems. And for those of you facing the same situation- it doesn’t work. You must be made whole by God before you can be a functional unit with one another.

The only reason I share this is to hopefully give you some comfort and perspective in your time of need and to let you ladies who have been through annulment and divorce only to face anxiety and depression know- you are not alone.

I have fully forgiven all involved and hope that we all be healed individually in the right way- in God’s way and live to glorify Him in our individual lives. That is my prayer.

It became very evident after the relationship was broken that all of my anxiety and even some of my depression was back and that maybe I had never truly healed the right way to begin with but had relied on a relationship to try and fix what only God could. 

My therapist brought it up again… “medication.”

I shuddered. Lisa Donham… on medication. 

But I am a leader in my church. I am supposed to be the strong one. What a typical story, woman endures a break up- woman has to be medicated! What if I get addicted to it? What if I develop a problem? What if it doesn’t work? It didn’t last time. What if I am not myself? What will others think of me? What will the church think of me?

I was so ashamed and afraid.  

And then I prayed about it. 

That night after therapy I was doing a Bible study by Tony Evans called, “Your Comeback,” (it’s amazing by the way) and He simply said, “Even if you think something won’t work, step out in obedience and faith, and God may bless your efforts.” (That is not word for word but it is close.) Basically he was alluding to the fact that we don’t always know best and even if we think something won’t work we can at least try. 

So I did. I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and mild depressive disorder. My depression score was not that high but as my sweet doctor walked in she stated, “You rated a 17 out of 18 for anxiety.” 

I said, “So I failed!” 

She laughed. “No Lisa there is no pass or fail.” 

“Yes I failed, and I failed miserably!” I laughed. 

I started on medication, and I want you to know within a week my family said they had their Lisa back. I was more myself than I had been in a long time. 

She had been gone for so long. 

My brain had been damaged so badly by the Mefloquine medication and had never really had time to physically heal. Even though I prayed and I spent time with God I still had a physical, chemical problem that required a medical solution. And perhaps I will only need it awhile; perhaps I will struggle the rest of my life. I have struggled before Africa with this and it was like Mefloquine sent it overboard… way overboard.

One of the long term side effects of the medication was I had was constant facial pain. I would awake at night with pressure so great I felt someone was smashing my head by pressing their thumbs on my temples. Or I would be in such pain laying on the back of my head that it felt the back of my skull would be crushed and split to the front. The headaches that I had experienced from Kenya were catastrophic and this facial pain was unfortunately something I had learned to live with.

A neurologist I had gone to months after returning home explained to me that the viruses I had caused nerve damage in my face and ears. Unless they grew back properly, I could just live with nerve pain for the rest of my life. 

But I remember waking up one morning and saying, “Mom my face. It doesn’t hurt.” I wanted to cry! The medication seemed to not only help me mentally, but physically as well, with nerve pain. 

My ears still give me a lot of trouble, but my face feels better!

Have you ever seen The Office?

It’s one of my favorites. Notably Dwight. 

If I was stuck in a cave with five people I would love one of them to be Dwight.

However, there is one thing Dwight and I don’t agree on- medication. 

If you’ve seen the episode, Dwight finds a pill in the office and finds out it’s for anxiety. 

He then goes on a mission to uncover the “madman” in the office only to find out the woman who is helping him discover that villain is the madman herself. It’s her medication. 

Now, even though I am using this as a comical example I will say- don’t be ashamed. 

You are not alone and as long as you are not abusing your medication or using it as a “quick fix,” and if it truly does help you and you’ve prayed about it- don’t live in the shame of anti-depressants.

I am not saying I agree with all medication. There is some strong medication out there that I would never advise anyone to take. 

But please know that you are not alone in your pit of depression and anxiety.

Please know you are worth it. 

You are loved. 

And you are useful. 

Step out of your shame and let the world see your smile. 🙂 

For when you are weak… then you are strong.