There has been a phenomenon that has existed for decades: the lure and media’s portrayal of a bad boy and a girl’s desire for a rebel heart.
We saw this in the thirties with the sensations of Bonnie and Clyde. They became celebrities to others, even though their life was filled with sin and murder. According to Jeff Guinn’s book “Go Down Together,” a total of about 30,000 people viewed Bonnie and Clyde’s remains. They wanted to catch a glimpse of the infamous couple who alluded and even killed policeman.
In the popular show Grease, which is set in the fifties, we see the “T-birds,” a group of bad boys, and the “Pink Ladies,” a group of girls that live on the edge. (Note: I like this movie. I’m only trying to support which direction I’m going here.) lol
In the seventies, Ted Bundy, a man who committed around 30 horrendous murders, was given exceptional media coverage and even became a icon. Women thought he was handsome. Despite the allegations against him women flocked to the courtroom and some even wrote letters admitting their love. In fact, Bundy built a family with Carol Anne Boone inside prison before their divorce three years before his execution.
Then came the 90s and bad boys skyrocketed in stardom. We had Nsync, Backstreet Boys, Boy Meets World’s Shawn Hunter (who you couldn’t help but love) and Angel, the split personality vampire on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Before Edward came onto the scene, Angel ruled the vampire world.
Now, come into the 2000s, and we can see the bad boy persona even more in our movies, music and even in our books. We have told young women that bad boys are the way to go and we have told young men that being admirable is boring.
I’m not comparing every bad boy to any of these characters. I am only making the point that the bad boy complex is attractive to media and society. We want to figure them out. We want to rescue them. Perhaps, some even want to find that kind of hot passion that is pictured by others with a man that has a rebellious heart.
I have a confession to make: after my broken marriage and before I reconnected with my now fiance, I loved bad boys. You know why?
It was exciting. Until it wasn’t.
It was all new and fresh. Until it wasn’t.
They were adventurous. Until the adventures didn’t end like you thought.
Most importantly, I thought I deserved to be treated bad. I was messssseedddd upppp. I even preferred it, because that was what I was used to. I didn’t know how to have a stable relationship. All I knew was chaos.
We were just not suitable for one another. They did choose to live a rebellious life style, and that was something I wasn’t really accustomed to. I didn’t get friends with benefits. I didn’t understand the rules and the ways of the game. In fact, I don’t think I was the best at being bad. LOL It was very obvious that was not my usual state of being, but I was determined to have a rebellion and explore this world of sin I never had before.
I was part of the problem, you see. Turns out, I don’t think these men were bad people. In fact, some of them were nice people and did good things for others and their families. They were just caught up in the same facade I was and we weren’t compatible.
But you know what I found out?
Those butterflies you feel in your stomach and that hot surge that goes through your body when you see the bad boy wink at you from afar: that is common sense leaving your body.
Literally.
The reality of marrying, or dating, a bad boy is much different than the picture Hollywood has painted. It’s usually filled with a lot of emotional ups and downs, anger, regret and sometimes a broken heart.
What starts as a relationship filled with danger and passion ends up being more than we bargained for. I say we, because I’ve done this. Several times.
Now, I am well aware that some men change when they meet someone they love. This does happen, but when it does it is because THEY want to change. God saves men- not us. This is great when it happens, but when it doesn’t… it’s not so great.
First of all, what is a bad boy? A bad boy is a man who repeatedly displays dangerous, irresponsible, or reckless behavior despite the effect it has on others. Others can be described as kids, parents and especially girlfriends and wives.
So let’s look at some points that may make us think differently when it comes to relationships and what we can do to show women they are valued and show men that they are capable of being the leaders God created them to be:
- Men need to step up and be Godly men. Be men, not boys. On the other side of that women need to challenge men to do this. Sometimes, men don’t think women want the good guy. We have told them bad is sexy. When we allow them to treat us badly, we communicate that being a bad boy is okay. In fact, some women encourage it. Men need to step up, but women need to encourage men to be Godly through their actions, respecting them and not allowing men to treat them lower than they should be treated.
- Women, recognize you are worth a Godly man. You know what the hardest part was, initially, about me dating Joshua? I didn’t think I deserved him. Honestly, I still don’t, but I recognize that I can be a good wife and I can, through Christ, be a good mom. I’ve accepted that Joshua loves me and despite my mistakes and sins, Joshua and I make a good team and I adore him. Accept that you are worth a man who treats you with respect, love and admiration.
- Face the reality of your relationship, not the facade of it. Regardless of who we are dating, sometimes our vision can be a little clouded. Really seek God’s answers to your questions and ask him to reveal the true character of your boyfriend. Sometimes you will find the character you thought was there, is not.
My dear, God made you for a wonderful purpose. I can’t answer all your questions. I don’t know it all. I know some couples who were complete opposites (one was a rebel and one was not) and they turned out great, but it took a lot of time and Jesus to get there.
In fact, I was not the best person in the world before I reconnected with Joshua. About three weeks before we met up I had confessed all of my escapades with a trusted friend and consigned to being single for awhile to get better. Then Joshua came along. But I made that decision before him, not because of him, and I had been a Christian for a long time.
Can I say something?
Good boys are fun too! They are funny, kind and sexy. They can make you laugh with a goofy impersonation, cry with a sweet note and blush with flexing their muscles. They hold your door open and hold your hand in public. They show up on time! They are reliable! Woohoo!
The best part about a Godly man- they love Jesus. You can sing worship song together, go to church together and talk about kids together. They want to be around you and treat you with respect.
It’s nice and it’s stable. It feels safe.
Is it perfect? No. Are they perfect? No. Is Joshua perfect? No. Am I? Ummm nooooo. lol
But, you know what I’ve learned, stable is nice.
You know what is sexy? A man whose honorable and has chosen to love the Lord in a world that doesn’t. You know what’s hot? A man who will call you sexy and then pray for you afterwards. You know what’s attractive? Big muscles with a big heart to match.
Love isn’t enough- stable is essential and knowing my best friend will be there is priceless.
Ladies, you can do this. You can wait for that man God has for you who is a disciple and loves the Lord.
You know what I was really bad at? Saving other men. I am BAD at it. You know why? I was never meant to be someone’s Savior. Jesus is.
I want to tell all the men out there trying, don’t give up. We need you. You are loved, valued and useful and you will make a great husband and father to whoever God gifts to you. We need you to teach our young boys how to be Godly men and we are thankful for you.
To Joshua, I love you my darling. Thank you for being faithful to me throughout the years, even though you didn’t know it was me- but you knew me. 😉
You are loved.
You are valued.
You are useful my friend!
Site:
https://www.buzzfeed.com/briangalindo/the-9-types-of-90s-tv-bad-boy-boyfriends-96ez
Margritoff, Marco. “Meet Carole Anne Boone, The Woman Who Fell In Love With Ted Bundy And Had His Child While He Was On Death Row.” https://allthatsinteresting.com/carole-ann-boone-ted-bundy-wife. Feb 4, 2009.