Have you ever lost a dream? Something you really wished and prayed for only to find it fade away like a wisp of smoke? 

What if I told you it wasn’t gone it just may be different than you expected? 

Let me tell you what some of my dreams were and the dream that was almost lost. 

As a senior I was set up to go to Cisco Junior College and I even had a roommate that I would be living at ACU with in the dorms. I had my schedule and everything. I would get my basics, transfer to Tech and graduate from medical school there. Tech here I come! 

One day my dad came in and said, “This isn’t gonna work.” 

So my dream of Cisco and ACU and Abilene college life was over.

And so I got sent to the desert. Literally… LOL. I ended up at University of Texas of the Permian Basin and was TOTALLY against it. I did not want to go to orientation. I did not want to go there. I did not want Odessa. 

It ended up being one of the best things that ever happened to me. I met some wonderful people and got to travel to Africa twice with them and experience life. I also met three of the best of friends I’ve ever had there as well. Turns out God didn’t send me to the desert to rot like I thought. He sent me there to flourish. 

When I graduated, I wanted to be a big time doctor and live in a loft in Dallas and make lot of money. A career woman. That was my dream. Then in college God said, “No Lisa, you aren’t going to be a doctor.” It was evident I could not keep up with everyone else intellectually and that this was not my calling. Plus, my wants were changing, although I didn’t desire marriage and kids at the time, I knew I wanted a job that would be family friendly.  So I turned to the only other thing I could think of doing … teaching.

It was what I had originally wanted to do but after I got to be an aid for kindergarten in highschool I changed my mind. Lord bless you kindergarten teachers. 

So my pre-med dreams were over. 

And turns out I love teaching and I love my kids. So God knew what He was doing there as well. 

And then there was another dream. I had a picture in my head of a white picked fence, children, a table full of family and laughter. The pitter patter of little feet running to my room during a thunderstorm. Being with one man my entire life and sharing in the ups and downs. Perhaps having a ministry, or at least being leaders in the church.

One day I found myself sitting on the sidewalk in front of my apartment rocking back and forth in a fetal position. My hair and teeth were not brushed and I was in my PJS and socks. The elephant ones with the polka dots and the blue stripe down the side. The concrete was semi cold but in my moment of shock and anguish I didn’t feel much hot nor cold- just confusion. Rocking back and forth I was having to make the hardest decision of my life- I was leaving the home I had shared with my newlywed husband of around 30 days. 

This home I had decorated, cleaned and made for us. My stuff. My books. My furniture. My new kitchen with all of it’s cooking utensils and my white board I had our schedule on.

But addiction is no respecter of persons, or of situations. It is no respecter of anyone.

The life I had made for myself- gone.

The job I had in the best district in the area- gone. 

The few friends I had made and the church I had been attending- gone. 

The man I thought I knew- gone. 

Was this a dream? I had only been here a month. Was this really going to be stripped from me this soon? But I was just given what I wanted! This had been my fairytale, Lord. Is it really going to stripped from me?But I had saved everything. I had done everything right, right? I wasn’t perfect but… Why was this happening to me? 

And as I was driven away from Lubbock in the back of my car, all the stuff I had to take in my suitcase for the week, I knew my life would never be the same. And I mourned the innocence I left behind and the marriage I left behind and the future I left behind.

And I still mourn some of it- mostly my innocence. And I think that’s okay at times. It’s human. 

Because a life with no regrets is not realistic and pain is pain.

Allow yourself to feel beloved, but don’t stay there.

One day you won’t remember it as much. One day the pain won’t be as severe. One day you’ll find yourself smiling again. There will still be times of sadness… and mourning and regret. But they will get farther apart. 

But I didn’t always think this. 

That dream I had of a picked fence, a dog, and a table full of family was shattered, and my heart with it. 

I was left to find a new dream.

I don’t share this for pity or to damage other reputation. On the contrary, I pray the best for all involved and have forgiven all involved. 

But one thing I have found is my dream remains somewhat the same- a house full of kids, a husband who loves me, a family around a table. Spending time with his family, him spending time with mine. A household dedicated to God but open to those that need to hear and see His love. Fishing trips, my husband throwing a football with his son and praying over us all and just someone to be there on a cold night and to not be left alone to sleep. Safety. Trust. Stability. These are things I truly long for.

And you want to know what I long for the most? A true friend. A true friend, not just a husband… but a friend. 

In all my searching and in all my wonderings, I know deep down this is my hearts desire.

It turns out my dream is not lost… it’s just more clear now. 

All those things I was so “against” in someone… well I am little more lenient on some things. Turns out there are some things I can tolerate that originally I didn’t think I could. LOL

But some things I know I can’t handle.

And I’m healing through a lot of things.

And as I sit in my classroom looking at my students create with smiles and watching them grow I know I am exactly where I need to be. These are my babies. As I sit in my church I know, for now, I am right where I need to be. And as I sit in my cozy apartment with some hot coffee I know- this is right where I need to be. For now, I am where God has me.

Don’t let failures keep you from your dreams. 

He doesn’t take you to the desert to die. 

He takes you there to flourish. 

Failures don’t stop our dreams, they show us what our dream is a little more clearly. 

I hope you get encouragement from this. 

You are loved. 
You are valuable. 
You are useful.